3CK

I can't live with her my life is a blur of potential, She haunts my bed a deep sea of red my thoughts inconsequential, Our hearts only beat when they bleed her EdEn imploded is the base of my nEEd and I need her somehow to keep me alive drip by beating drip. This ventricle love stains my chest pulses poetry across my blood-shot eyes pours from my wrists as I try to cleanse myself of her. so this is the meaning of... "I can't live without you"

the more I learn about art the less it is art to me, every stroke I learn is every myth erased, every camera angle rips sweet Gullible from my arms, I see the backstage  and plays become merely plays, not true life as they once were, Analyzing-artistic-self-righteousness. every revealed trick, every clean large secret, every bit of knowledge fills my cup with talent drowning serenity in it's wake. Let me not be an artist, magician, musician, performer give me my midwest mentality to believe the puppet's master better yet to believe the puppet masterless, you keep your strings. I'll keep my dreams.

sitting idle with these suicidelined tendencies. I am muttled in this stagnant pool of suck-cess. still Emotionless my thoughts pour molasses against thick stubs of clumbsy fingers. Prey to my God I am prey to my stumbling God.

This beauty bleeds like scars- thick and motionless only to remind us of breaths dry and meaningless a tongue without taste a thought without memory

don't be sad these things of ours are believable

throw me away! I scream to myself like littered love my eyelashes rust my vision tarnished my pupils crumble too dry to tear I am trash passion hope's half-life

this bitter seed pressed into soiled lips with roots like veins soaks from my mouth words that were sunlight. drinks from my tongue kisses once wet. breathes from my breath since-hardened whispers. burries hate in my throat. grows out through dark eyes spitting shame against swollen cheeks spilling back into itself This bitter seed pressed against soiled lips

I've been using the term "one chance" in my life for the past several years trying to remind myself that I may have just one life to experience everything I can in this world. I must have written it or said it to myself millions of times when I felt an unhealing hopelessness. Really, millions. And yet, I feel that things have come to a strange lull in my life. I've never been predictable..and now I am. Never been dependant...and now I feel I am. Never followed any beaten path....and now I do. Of course, as all of this is going on I never realized it, even in my horrible moments of self-isolated depression. But today, a funny thing happened as

her eyes bleed black as she paints me with her brushstroke eyes

I left romance sometime ago stranded on a dampened street in search of new and freer things to bring my heart more quickly to its knees I thought that she would wait for me and find me when I found my wrongs but when I returned her door knocked hollow for romance now is dead and gone somehow the things that I thought meant love became pretentious and arrogant and so now I walk this shaky line not knowing how to act my instincts filled with stuttered sounds my heart now stops before every beat I'm lost with love and now without it my sleep is incomplete